Is it Thursday already?

I seriously keep meaning to post something during the week but work is just kickin' my a$$ lately so when I come home, even though I waste time on crap like Facebook, putting the thought in to a blog post is just the last thing on my mind.

So, what I'm saying is sorry for the bloggy absence during the week but my brain is pretty much fizzled out.  Maybe when something interesting happens to me during the week I will blog about it.

Well, Ricky has hit me a couple times today.  He hit me when I put him in the car to go to daycare.  He hit me when I put him in the car picking him up from daycare.  Too much fun at home and too much fun at daycare I presume. 

He really is quite the character though and we have so much fun together.  I can't really blame him for being a bit cranky.  Since the weather has turned cold and he and I were both getting over being sick, we have quite a case of cabin fever and we really need to get out.  Normally we would head to the mall play area but during cold & flu season - triple ick. 

Until then, we will just have to figure something out.  Maybe shove all the furniture to one side of the room and just let him run in circles? 

Can't you tell my brain is fried?

Honesty?

My friend Jill over at Daily Verses gave me this award.  For being honest.  I think that's a pretty good honor and I hope I can live up to it.  Some days are harder than others, I think we can all agree on that.  I might not be the most eloquent person when choosing my words, but I try to be as up front and honest as possible.

Then again, there is this passive aggressive side to me that just wants to avoid a situation completely because being honest is too hard.  Like right now, I am sitting on a FB friend request.  The person who sent it has no idea that I don't really like her.  I suppose it's because she wronged me in the past (in a professional capacity) and that still stings.  To me, accepting that friend request will open up a whole can of worms and she will be back in my life and I really don't want her there unless it is absolutely necessary.  I seem to hold on to things like that and it's just not a good thing.

Whatever.  Back to the meme.

Jill is always so sincere and honest and much more eloquent with her words - she was an English major folks!  I respect her opinion and advice more than she probably knows.  I think she is amazing.  Her strength and faith serve as an inspiration to me and I consider myself very lucky to have her in my life.  Part of this award is for me to list 10 honest things about myself, and then nominate 7 other blogs that I find brilliant in content and/or design.  That last part is gonna be hard because the ladies that I really love - some have already been nominated, but I will try my best.

My list, here goes.

1. I watched SuperNanny on Friday night and thought to myself "OMG - that could totally be my kid" in some aspects.
2. I feel like my BFF and I are drifting apart. 
3. I don't think I am doing enough to maintain our friendship at times but it's a two way street so I look for her to do the same thing and am still waiting. 
   
4. I miss my Grandmother terribly since she passed in September.  Ricky does things and I want to share them with her and she isn't there.  Each time I have that thought a little part of me aches inside.
5. I weigh more than I ever have, with the exception of when I was pregnant.
6. I have a horn addiction.  I beep it frequently to move the car in front of me when we're waiting at a light and they're lollygagging because I am that impatient and hate missing the light.
7. I say lollygagging.  Yes, I do.  
8. I HATE laundry and have at least 5 loads waiting on me at this very moment.  Once it's all washed it will take another 3-4 days to get it put away because I will be lollygagging about it.
   
9. I am afraid of getting pregnant again.  Ricky is so strong and so physical I have these images of being kicked in the stomach by accident if I were to get pregnant.  Aside from the BP issues I had last time, how would we manage if I had to be put on bedrest for any period of time?  Plus, I would officially be of "advanced maternal age" next time around.  Needless to say, the whole thing scares the bejeezus out of me.
   
10. I love cake.  All cake.  I wish every day were my birthday so I could eat cake. 

Now who to nominate.

1. Amy - One of the most honest people I know. 
   
2. Heather - She needs to blog more because I love her posts.
   
3. FertileMertile - I know she's already been nominated but I love her dearly and admire her for putting everything out there and being so true to herself.  
4. Jessica - I know she's already been nominated also but she is one of my bestest friends and I love her and am lucky to have her lin my life.  Her honesty has helped me in more ways than she can imagine.
5. WildWestHome - I don't think I have ever met a kinder woman.  Ever.
6. All About Adam - While I have yet to meet her IRL, I love her posts about her little guy.  Her boy is a little older than Ricky and while she might not know it, reading about her challenges as a parent are inspirational to me. 
   
7. Little Leaps of Faith - She has has a pretty hectic year and has taken it all in stride.  I think we can all learn something from her.

That's it folks!  

Not If, But When.

Over the past week I have had the.most.miserable.cold.  I'm not exactly sure how a viral cold turns in to a bacterial sinus infection that warrants antibiotics but whatever.  All I know is a after a couple days on the meds I feel a trillion times better.  The crud draining in to my throat causing the sore throat and hoarse voice is a whole lot better.  Ricky has also pretty much had a cold since the first week of daycare.  He is on his second round of antibiotics in a little over a month, which I am totally not excited about.  The only good thing is he doesn't have ear infections, he is just blowing snot all over the place.

Speaking of snot, Mucinex rocks.

Tuesday night I had a low grade fever but it went away quickly and never came back.  Now tonight Rick has a fever.  Speaking of Rick, he went to brush his teeth about 45 min ago and I haven't seen him since and he is supposed to be in bed resting.  Needless to say if he still has a fever in the AM off to the doc for a swabbing he goes.  Gotta see if it's the flu, right? 

Which brings me to my point.  I have went from wondering IF we are going to get H1N1 to WHEN are we going to get it.  None of us got the vaccine (yes - I am fully aware that I did not vaccinate my child against it and I am ok with that.)  Every little sneeze and sniffle, every little cough, every low grade fever, they all have new meaning this year. 

Now if only I could get my employer to put out those little foaming hand sanitzer dispensers at the entrance of the building and near the elevators.  I mean, even Potbelly's has them. 

Bad Mommy

I have been a bad Mommy lately. 

I'll start with Halloween.  Due to a combination of issues, which I won't get in to,  I have no pics of Ricky from Halloween.  Either he was way too fast and I was busy chasing him to keep him out of the street or I just stupidly forgot the memory card to the camera.  There are a handful of reasons but regardless, I have no pics and I am pretty bummed about it.

Then when I was in Target on Halloween Day I was cruising through the children's section and noticed the infamous Monkey Backpack.   I have been considering one for a while just because Ricky is so active and there are times when I fear for his safety.  I want him to be able to explore to his hearts content but I want to keep him out of the road.  Just buying this was a HUGE step for me.  I had asked Rick about it in the past and he wasn't really open to the idea of having one.  But that day in Target, I just had to pick one up.  I was so worried about Ricky's safety during trick or treat.  So that night when we went out I strapped it on but I didn't connect the "leash" part.  It was just on his back and he didn't mind it at all.  When I did attach the lead, he still could care less.  But what he soon discovered was if he pulled at it and I pulled at it, all I did was slow him down.  He began to just start falling down because he could, knowing he wouldn't have a hard fall since something was slowing him down.  Big fail.  It didn't do a darn bit of good.  I was open to it.  I tried it.  It didn't work.  I know they work fabulous for other folks but it just didn't work for me. 

Another Bad Mommy moment.  I picked Ricky up from daycare this week.  He was in timeout when I got there.  He had been flinging the Fisher Price phone around by the cord and nearly hit another kid.  Ricky is strong.  Very strong, especially for his age.  He is a very physical kid and his fear knows no bounds.  He jumps off the couch.  He flips backwards.  He runs in to the couch/wall/toybox/chair/you/me/whatever.  At full speed.  He has literally plowed in to another kid head on and knocked them flat on their butt.  This is just who he is, but he doesn't know his own strength and it lands him in trouble at times. 
 
Where does the Bad Mommy part come in?  I suppose I feel bad because maybe, just maybe, I need to adjust my expectations of what is realistic behavior from him.  Of course we all want our kids to be the best behaved with the best manners.  It just isn't going to happen.  At least it won't happen if I want him to be himself.  He is who he is.  I love who he is. I love the amount of passion he put in to everything he does.  He does everything 110%.  He is so much fun and he really is an easy kid.  Seriously.  Well he's easy as long as you have the energy to keep up with him and stay one step ahead at all times. 

That doesn't mean there aren't times that I don't want to ___________ the little stinker.  I'll let you fellow moms fill in the blank because I know you've been there. 

So why do I feel like a Bad Mommy?  I really can't say why.  I guess it's just part of this whole growing up thing I have to do in the name of parenthood. 

So now you know why there are no Halloween pics.  Stop asking.

Blankies and stuff...

I was just looking at this pic. 

My, how time flies.  This picture was taken when Ricky was 8 days old and in the hospital.  His body temp had dropped drastically low and they were concerned there was an infection so he was admitted.  You can't see the spot on his back where they did the spinal tap.  You can't see the IV in his right hand.  You can't see all the slits on his little feet where they were trying to get a good potassium level but weren't able to because he was so dehydrated.  You can't see the band aid covering the spot where they eventually had to draw that blood from his arterial vein because the other THREE attempts to get a regular vein failed.  How someone so small can weather so much, I will never know.  

You also can't see me freaking out in the background.  Feeling horribly guilty because after nursing my son, exclusively for nearly 7 days I didn't realize that my milk hadn't come in.  He was lethargic. I was starving my son.  I started supplementing but it was too late.  To say I felt horrible doesn't even begin to describe my feelings.  The most instinctual thing I was supposed to be able to do for my son, one of my first jobs as a parent, and I failed.  I failed to the degree of epic proportions.

The next day my milk came in.  Oh, did it ever come in!  But it went almost as fast as it arrived.  I was angry at myself, angry at my body and just looking at a breast pump filled me with hurt and resentment. I would pump and pump and get barely a drop.  I had succumbed.  Hopefully when the time comes for the next one, that won't be the case. 

Back to the picture.

What you can see in that picture is the blankie.  That super soft blankie.  Well, you can see the puppy lovey too but this post isn't called "Puppies and stuff."  For the record, I absolutely adore the puppy!  

I have no idea who gave us this blankie.  I'm sure it was a shower gift.  I loved it.  And he loves it.  He did then and he does now.  To this day, when he wakes up in the morning and I get him out of his crib, he grabs this blankie.  When it's bed time he knows to pick up this blankie and his binky.  He hugs it when he is sick or scared or sad. The love he has for this blankie knows no bounds.

And then we started daycare.  "Bring a sheet and blankie for naptime" they said.  Uh oh, a blankie?  The blankie?  What if something happens to the blankie at daycare?  I can't afford to lose the blankie.  No way.  His world would crumble.

Over the past few months I have found a few substitutes for this blankie.  They are made by Carter's so the outlet store had a couple.  I also managed to pick up a few at Burlington Coat Factory.  I think we are up to 5 or 6 "blankies" now.  They aren't exactly the same but they suffice.  It's a good thing I was able to find them because since cold & flu season has started, daycare is sending home blankets and sheets for DAILY washings.  I don't do laundry daily.

If your little one has a lovey, make sure you get backups if you can.  Seriously.  You will be happy you did.

Do you ever wish you could go back to that simple life?  When something as small as a blankie could make everything all better?

Wordless Wednesday. Kinda.

Check out Ricky's "school" pic.  He is SO big.   Wow - I have a kid.  A kid who has a school picture.  Haha, I'm so grown up.

So Much To Say

Do you sometimes have so much swirling around in your head that you don't know where to start?  That's how I feel about my blog right now.  It has been a weird couple of weeks and I don't really know where to start but here goes.

We left for vacation on Sunday, September 27.  We were actually "on" vacation for less than 24 hours when my Mom called.  Grandma had passed.  

It was my worst nightmare.  I even hesitated leaving for vacation because I was so afraid that she would pass while I was gone.  

I should have called Grandma that Sunday while we were driving down to the Outer Banks.  Called her like I normally do when I have a long drive ahead of me.  Lately our conversations hadn't been very long, but I just liked hearing her voice, checking in on her.  But I didn't call.  I had just spoken to her on Friday and knew that Hospice was coming in to talk to her on Monday.  I figured I would call later in the day on Monday and see how it went with the Hospice folks but I never got that chance.

She passed peacefully, in her sleep.  That is all you could ever want for your loved one, right?  No pain?  

I don't think I have ever met a more amazing woman.  She was strong and kind and full of love.  Her love of God and family knew no bounds.  When I think of how the world has changed during her 91 years, it astounds me.

But right now, I find comfort in knowing that she is Home.  She is with friends and family and maybe she is even dropping in on Rick's Mom, telling her about Ricky.

Yeah, that's definitely what she is doing.