What to Write?

One thing having a blog has proved to me is that I am NOT a writer.  Not in the slightest.  Which is funny because I always have something to say.  Maybe I am just not good at putting it down in written form.  Typed form? 

Is it the computer screen staring at me that prevents the words from coming?  Perhaps it is because I am a bit anal when it comes to writing.  Did you know that I write for a living?  Not in a creative capacity - but in a technical capacity.  Even doing that is hard sometimes.  My boss has asked me for "bug splatter" and insists we can always clear out the crap later.  I still find it hard to do "bug splatter"  just because I am that anal and I want it that perfect and I don't feel that bug splatter is always indicative of the quality of work that I am capable of doing.

So then the blog.  This is MY space.  I can say whatever I want here, right?  But can I, really?  People I know read this blog.  Do I want them to see all the "crazy" going on in my head?  Maybe it isn't really crazy but maybe it is.  If I do share to that degree, will they feel like they are not alone?  Do we all have crazy thoughts from time to time?  Do I start another blog?  An anonymous blog?  A place where I can let all of those thoughts, the ones we all have but are sometimes afraid to say out loud, come to life?

I have so many posts swirling in my head.  I went to church last week.  Me.  Church.  It is the second time I have ever been to a church aside from the church where I grew up.   It is also the second time in my life I have been to church without my Grandmother.   I didn't realize how much I missed her until I was standing there, singing, and the tears came from nowhere.  I have this spiritual battle going on inside of me and sometimes I don't know which way to go or where to turn.  Then we have Christmas and Ricky.  It was so much fun!  We all had such an amazing day. I am a Mom.  I have a family.  Then there is New Years - with new friends that I am so thankful for.  There is just so much to talk about, and I have no idea where to start.

Maybe I am making this harder than it needs to be.