One thing having a blog has proved to me is that I am NOT a writer. Not in the slightest. Which is funny because I always have something to say. Maybe I am just not good at putting it down in written form. Typed form?
Is it the computer screen staring at me that prevents the words from coming? Perhaps it is because I am a bit anal when it comes to writing. Did you know that I write for a living? Not in a creative capacity - but in a technical capacity. Even doing that is hard sometimes. My boss has asked me for "bug splatter" and insists we can always clear out the crap later. I still find it hard to do "bug splatter" just because I am that anal and I want it that perfect and I don't feel that bug splatter is always indicative of the quality of work that I am capable of doing.
So then the blog. This is MY space. I can say whatever I want here, right? But can I, really? People I know read this blog. Do I want them to see all the "crazy" going on in my head? Maybe it isn't really crazy but maybe it is. If I do share to that degree, will they feel like they are not alone? Do we all have crazy thoughts from time to time? Do I start another blog? An anonymous blog? A place where I can let all of those thoughts, the ones we all have but are sometimes afraid to say out loud, come to life?
I have so many posts swirling in my head. I went to church last week. Me. Church. It is the second time I have ever been to a church aside from the church where I grew up. It is also the second time in my life I have been to church without my Grandmother. I didn't realize how much I missed her until I was standing there, singing, and the tears came from nowhere. I have this spiritual battle going on inside of me and sometimes I don't know which way to go or where to turn. Then we have Christmas and Ricky. It was so much fun! We all had such an amazing day. I am a Mom. I have a family. Then there is New Years - with new friends that I am so thankful for. There is just so much to talk about, and I have no idea where to start.
Maybe I am making this harder than it needs to be.
Now That’s Love by Ree
1 day ago