Monday, May 25, 2009

It's All Around Me

Lately it seems like death is everywhere. Literally. Death. People are dying. People who don't deserve to die are dying. Then again, does anyone really deserve to die? I guess it is the whole circle of life sort of thing. Only some folks die sooner than you ever expected.

How do you deal with the loss of a loved one? What do you say to someone who has lost a loved one? I just give my sincere condolences and keep them in my prayers. What else is there to do? I always feel awkward during those times. I never know what to say or what to do and I always know what to say, what to do. I think people come to me when they need support because they know that I will happily distract them or make an offhand joke that might help them crack the tiniest of grins even in the worst of times.

Each day, each week, it is something new. A blog post dedicated to a lost child. A news story about a husband/father/brother/son that has died too soon. Worse yet, a news story about someone who killed their family in the most violent and painful of ways. And that's why I don't watch the news any longer. I barely even visit because all news is bad news. You can call it living with my head in the clouds or buried in the sand or even living in a bubble. I don't care. Call it what you will, I like my bubble and I am going to stay there. At least as long as life lets me.

Lately, it is getting harder and harder to stay oblivious in my bubble. And when I say oblivious, I mean happily ignorant. I am not clueless to society, I just choose not to dwell on the negative. It is draining and who needs that in their life?

On a side note, I think the drug companies should carry the burden of subsidizing any operational costs for the WWW. If it weren't for the internet and news media, I don't think they would sell nearly as much in anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. The news is an emotionally draining show and not worth 30/60/90 minutes of my time. But that's just my opinion.

Back to my bubble. It's getting hard and harder to stay there. Some family issues recently have caused great distress in my life. Someone in need, someone who is ill. All of these are things that bring me out of my bubble and force me to deal with reality. Please don't think I am complaining about dealing with "reality". I know that I am very blessed with a loving husband and a healthy son. We have more than some, less than others, but we are doing ok.

A new "virtual" acquaintance lost her Grandmother tonight. I have no idea why she spilled to me, but she needed to and I was happy to lend an ear. Another friend is dealing with the impending loss of a pet. A pet she has had for many years and is every bit as real to her as a child is to any other person.

I have no idea where I am going with this post, but these thoughts were swirling in my head and needed to come out.

My Grandmother is dying. Of Cancer. Not today and hopefully not tomorrow. But sooner than I would like.

But all I have to say is Cancer. It's a bitch. And I'm sick of it. It's everywhere. Even in my dog I had to put down almost 3 years ago. Looming in the mammogram notice I received from the radiology office last week reminding me to schedule my appointment. In my Mother In Law, a few months before she made it to becoming my mother in law. Possibly in the cervix of a good friend, but she has since had that cervix along with her utuerus and ovaries removed at the age of 39. In a breast, a kidney, a spine, a stomach, a lymph node, a lung, a colon. In too many places to count. All of these are people that I know. Just me. With my limited network for friends and family. How did we get here?

It's got to go. I am sick of it and have seen enough for a lifetime.

Sorry for bumming you out, but sometimes, you can't always stay in that bubble. Even my little ol' blog has a bit of reality from time to time.

1 comment:

Jessica said...

That felt good to read. Glad you can get those feelings out somewhere... Oddly enough, I felt better reading it. You know I relate. All too well, I relate.