Friday, February 15, 2008

Reality Check Time

So as I'm sure you can tell from recent posts.....things are slowing down over here. Overall, I am just tired. Tired of being pregnant, tired of the heartburn, tired of the swollen feet and inability to wear cute shoes....just all of it. It is pretty darn clear that I am in the home stretch and things are getting a little more than uncomfortable.

Today I was at work and I asked a fellow co-worker, who is also expecting - with the same due date even - how she was doing. It kinda went like this:

Me: Hey, how ya doin'? Cause honestly, I'm a little over this whole "pregnant" thing (gesturing to stomach)
Her: (Grinning from ear to ear) Oh, I think I am doing a little better than you are. I can see you are a little tired. I am too, but it took so much for us to get here that I'm just to thankful and I'm really enjoying every minute of it....even the heartburn and lack of caffeine and blah blah blah..... (you get the point)
Me: (While trying to get my foot out of my mouth) Yeah, I suppose I can see why.....

Dang, I am an idiot.

A few years back, I worked for a fertility doctor. I saw first hand what some women put themselves and their relationships through. It was hard for me to appreciate at the time, but I could always admire the effort and dedication that was put forth. The tests, the hopeful looks every month, the shots, all of it. A small part of me even wondered why people would go through all of this when there are zillion of children that needs great homes. I can never truly understand any one person's reasons for doing what they do, but at the same time, I can understand wanting to carry a child.

We were lucky. We tried for about 6 months before we got pregnant. Even then, there were some pretty emotional moments. I knew I was fresh off birth control and to expect a few months before I was realistically physically ready to be pregnant, but that didn't stop the tears from coming every month with that negative test. And I had it easy.....these women who go to such extremes to have a child. Wow. I really don't know if I would have that in me.

So, when my colleague reminded me today just how grateful and appreciative she is just to be pregnant, it was quite humbling. Here I am, complaining and moaning about these final weeks. There are thousands of women that would KILL to be in my shoes, my ginormous size 10 shoes. I've seen these women, I've met these women. My heart has ached for them when they would call for those lab results knowing that I couldn't say a word, just pass that call off to the nurse. I think I hated that most - playing ignorant when they would yearn for just the slightest inkling in my voice that would tell them that test was positive.

So, I will try to get my head out of my butt (my big ol' pregnant butt that grows week by week) and learn to truly appreciate this time. Who knows how long before I feel this way again? I might even need some help or have to jump through some hoops next time. Now, that would be the big ol' size 10 on the other foot, wouldn't it?

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