Wednesday, June 25, 2008

How Long Has This Been Here.....?

I went to the doctor last week for my "oh so fun" annual exam. Blah blah blah, we've all been there before. Certainly not anything we want to do, but a necessary evil. All is going well, I am catching up with my Doc and while we are chatting away she is doing my breast exam. Here's how it went (I'm paraphrasing of course but you get the point):

Me: So, how are things with the divorce going? (she's very open with her patients, we know WAY too much about her)
Her: He's a total _______ and now he is trying to get full custody and they are using my job against me and (yada yada yada.....)
Me: Wow......what a jerk!
Her: Yeah tell me about it....hey, how long has this been here?
Me: Ummmmm, what?
Her: This.....this lump. Right here...on your left breast.
Me: (Gulp) Um, I dunno....I haven't noticed anything.

So we finished the appointment and things were just kinda in a fog after that. Did she just say lump? Breast? Mammogram? No.....this isn't happening to me. If there is anything there, it is most likely just a cyst....right? Maybe she was imagining things. My head was a whirlwind of activity. I mean, anyone's would be playing that "what if" game at this point.....right?

So I am heading home and still in this surreal state. I call Pookie to tell him I have to have a mammogram and he is all positive with me (as he always is). I arrived home and pretty much started smooshing my breasts immediately. What did she feel? Have I missed it? What is it? Was it this...no, this is what my breast has always felt like. I have always been religious about making sure I have my annual exams. Did my previous doctors miss something? WTF was she feeling!!!!!

Yesterday, I went for the mammogram and ultrasound (yes ultrasound too, in pre-menopausal women the tissue is so dense a mammo isn't always sufficient) and everything is fine. Just fine. The radiologist spoke with me and it just appears that I have "dense breast tissue".

So while in the big picture, I kept telling myself that nothing was wrong, but you can't help but wonder. Why freak out when you don't really know anything yet? There is no history of breast cancer in my family so I had that on my side. But at times....you just can't help but play devil's advocate. And the internet....so NOT a good thing in a situation like this. I refused to do any googling of any kind because too much information is not always a good thing.

But does all this mean that since my breasts are so "dense" that they weigh more than the average breast? If we're in that frame of mind, then my tissue on my hiney must be VERY dense. Yay....I knew there had to be another reason I am overweight. It has nothing to do with the junk food.

1 comment:

Girl said...

I have "fibrocystic" breast tissue. Every time I go to the doc someone feels a lump and I have to jump into the explanation. But the first time? 22 and in and out of U/S and mams. I don't have breast cancer but I might because it runs in my family.

That was probably more then you wanted to know.

Anyway, I am glad it's nothing. That paragraph scared me a bit. Phew.